The Joy of An Ex - Taking Care of Yourself During Divorce

Copyright (c) 2011 Jackie Ramler

Going through a divorce is difficult. Dreams, hopes and aspirations are lost or being abandoned, your former life has 'died', lives are turned upside down, self esteem is challenged, and childrens' emotions are in disarray. Simply, everything is topsy-turvy. There are no funeral ceremonies for closure, no rituals to help you move forward through grief or feelings of betrayal. Even if you are essentially okay, the list of changes your family has to contend with often seems endless. There can be a constant sense of being overwhelmed, with too much to do in too little time and with too few resources, leaving you feeling inadequate or "running on empty".

Dealing with powerful emotions can be challenging, especially when you are going through chaotic, sad or cruel experiences in your life. Often, you feel you only have two options to deal with your feelings: to let them out in an immediate and visceral way, or to bottle them up. Most people make the second choice, repressing their feelings in an attempt to deal with them by denying them. Depression is a natural result, and those suffering are often prescribed antidepressants when in fact they need to work through these emotions. Burying negative or uncomfortable feelings like anger and sadness can numb the pain, but it inevitably dulls your ability to experience your more positive and pleasurable feelings of happiness or excitement as well. Short-term memory is impeded, leading to bad decisions and feeling as though there is a lack of choices. Burying feelings robs you of valuable information you could be learning about yourself and your life, denying you the opportunity of growing and recovering naturally from change, stress, and grief.

There are many positive ways to cope with distressing emotions. Experiencing your negative feelings doesn't have to be a negative experience. In learning how to express your intense emotions in a healthy way, you are giving yourself the freedom to fully experience the more joyful emotions that come with being alive. But if you find that facing your feelings head on is proving too difficult during times of emotional distress, you may want to explore alternative ways of expressing them so they don't morph into unconscious anger or self-hatred.

You may not know where to turn if financial constraints, waiting lists, and time limitations make finding the right counsellor for your family a prohibitive option; if friends and family aren't able to be supportive; or if you find no time or finances to enjoy creativity, or physical exercise. But don't loose heart: there are many "natural" and "holistic" remedies and services that can help your family too. Looking at these as a complement to (rather than a substitute for) traditional methods is a faster route to self healing.

Science is now proving what ancient acupuncture has always proposed: that human beings, our world, and the universe are nothing more than energy, and most causes of illness are an imbalance of energy caused by negative emotions. Everyone realizes that when energy ceases to run smoothly, the electrical circuits are unable to "fully light the house". Our bodies are similar. We have meridians of flowing energy, and when this natural flow of energy is interrupted, blockages disrupt our quality of life, causing illness or pain. Many people now practice forms of energy healing, and although alternative therapies are often not covered by insurance, they are worth considering and usually not prohibitively expensive. In fact, most alternative healing practitioners have been through some significant transition in their own lives and are open to alternative methods of reimbursement, so please never let the fear of payment prevent you from seeking healthy alternatives. You do not have to go through this challenging transitional period of your life alone.

How can Alternative medicine help you deal with Divorce?

Two amazingly beneficial forms of energy medicine are Reiki and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). These practices can be learned (thereby avoiding repeated costs) and they empower you to bring relief to yourself and your loved ones. They are uncomplicated yet very powerful because they rid your body of toxic energies and create balance in the mind, body and spirit. Once you've learned these practices, "the tools are yours for life". Reiki and EFT can offer you and your children ways to relieve some of the emotional turmoil, to relax, and to be able to gain and maintain a sense of balance and health in your new life.


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