How Men Adjust to Divorce
Copyright By Merlene Bishop
Men's adjustment to divorce is different than women's since they are not as inclined to talk about feelings or to reach out for support from friends and family. Men may talk about divorce in the context of spending time with other men if the subject comes up. If and when it does men are likely to gripe, complain, blame the ex-wife or talk about the financial problems they are having related to divorce.
If the truth is known, men are hurting as a result of the grief process, but many don't understand what it is and are not able to articulate the feelings they are having. They are more likely to focus on the financial aspects of divorce and tend to feel that they have to placate their ex-spouse when working out visitation arrangements. Many are likely to perceive the woman as having the control when it comes to the children. Attorneys don't always inform male clients about a parenting plan and consequently men tend to go along with whatever visitation schedules their ex-spouse wants.
This is not the best approach for children, since they need their dad to be actively involved in their lives. Fathers can be more effectively involved when they have a parenting plan that gives them as much time as possible. It should have clear guidelines for visitation schedules that includes special occasions and holidays. When men have this worked out before the court hearing, they will most likely get the parenting plan they submit through their attorney.
When men have a clear and adaptable visitation schedule and parenting plan they will feel they have more power through the divorce proceedings, which will ease their adjustment process. The more input and control men have regarding visitation time, the less likely they are to blame their ex-spouse and less likely to feel victimized. When fathers have adequate time with their children, it can facilitate the healing from the grief process and they are less likely to get into a blame game towards her.
It follows from this that children's adjustment will be smoother also. Divorce is a painful and difficult process and men who have a sound parenting plan and visitation schedule will make the adjustment easier.
For more good information about men and divorce, visit my blog: divorceissuesandrecovery.blogspot.com. Be sure you sign up for my free divorce ezine (newsletter) and a copy of my book on divorce recovery.
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