Divorce: You Have To Help Your Kids, But Lick Your Own Wounds, Too

Copyright (c) 2010 Lucille Uttermohlen

Kids do cause a lot of stress. When the little dears are asleep and all you have to worry about is whether or not they've kicked their blankets off, they're not so bad. The rest of the time, they are awake. Then, if there is a way to be loud and annoying, a kid can find it.

Kids who are unhappy with their parent's divorce can be especially difficult. Not only must a parent cope with his / her own doubts and fears, they must try to manage the situation for their kids so as to make it less scary and stressful. It is a bit like the airlines warning you to put your own mask on before helping someone else.

Its nearly impossible to meet both of your needs at the same time, whether you're flying or getting divorced. Here are some ideas that might help you and your family get through the divorce with your sanity in tact.

1. Take the kids for an out of town visit to someone you trust. Grandparents are good. Aunts, uncles or friends are also good. The whole family might enjoy a break from the divorce and its problems, not to mention your ex.

2. If you can't or don't want to go, think about letting the kids go on their own. It could be calming to spend a week or so alone. Having a chance to think about your current situation and not have to worry about planning dinner or doing laundry for the whole family might refresh your whole perspective and ability to cope.

3. Learn a new skill if money is the problem. There are plenty of on-line courses that can teach you what you need to know to get a decent job. They cost a little money, but anything that makes you more employable is a sound investment.

4. Accept the fact that your ex is a jerk. You wouldn't be divorcing if you could trust him. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out the way it should. Don't second guess yourself with questions about what would have happened if you had acted differently. Your marriage fell apart, but that doesn't mean you are unlovable. It just means you and your spouse didn't see life the same way.

5. Stay healthy. Eat good food and go to the gym. You may feel like you don't have the energy to think about these things. However, neutrition and exercise can have a an impact on your ability to cope with pressure.

6. Indulge yourself. Play golf until it's too dark to see the ball. or buy that set of clubs you've always wanted. Don't feel you don't deserve good things just because you've been rejected by someone important. You may not feel like it at first, but if you treat yourself right, you'll begin to get your confidence and joy back.

7. Don't rush yourself to start dating again. But, join clubs, and groups that interest you. Give yourself time to feel what you've lost. But, don't completely shut the rest of the world out. . Meeting different people and making new friends will help you get your mind off yourself, your spouse and the divorce and its challenges.

These suggestions may not seem to be about your kids. However, it is like the air plane example I gave earlier. If you take care of yourself, you will be healthier. If you are healthier, you'll be better able to cope with your kids' adjustment, no matter what the little dears throw at you.


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Lucille Uttermohlen has been a family law attorney for 27 years. She has written a number of articles about divorce and other couple related issues. For more information and free downloads, visit Lucille at http://www.couple-or-not.com If you have questions about the law, or relationship issues, write to Lucille at lucille@utter-law.com.