Children And Divorce - The Outcomes
By: Roger Fischer | Posted: 29th June 2011
Children go through a number of emotions when they learn their parents are getting a divorce. It's no different from what the grownups feel but they might not have all of the truth. This can end in children blaming themselves for the divorce. They'll remember all of the times their parents had a disagreement over them and think it's their own fault.
Many couples decide not to get a divorce no matter what simply for the sake of their children. They really want to end the marriage and begin a new life but they end up doing nothing about it because of their children. Years later, they may regret doing this and realise that staying in the marriage for their children's sake was a big mistake for all concerned. Years later, they may regret doing this and realise that staying in the marriage for their children's sake was a big mistake for all concerned. Even though the marriage was very unhappy and everyone in the family was miserable because of all the emotional upset that was going on in the marriage.
What is happening to so many children living with parents in an unhappy marriage right now has to be addressed.. These children are seriously affected by all the abuse they see, whether it's verbal, emotional or the worst of all, physical abuse. In many cases, the children will see controlling behaviours such as affection or money being withheld for one spouse to exert control over the other. None of these elements are good for children and there's little doubt experiencing all this will leave indelible emotional scars from this very unhappy period of their life.
It's the emotional state of children that very often keeps people in a marriage when they want out though. They've heard all the horror stories about children with trust issues and relationship issues due to their parents getting divorced. In many cases it wasn't their parents divorce that caused the problems but something else. The truth is, it's often due to what actually transpired before, during, and after the divorce.
The factors that often cause the most problems are experiencing all the harmful things that happen ahead of the actual divorce. Seeing your parents call each other nasty names or throwing stuff around and fighting aren't the sort of things that a child is likely to forget. Obviously there are bound to be many difficult issues when going through a divorce but the main thing is do everything you can stop your children from seeing them.
Look, children are not stupid. It is inevitable they will sense all the tension that is there between you and your spouse. They are going to be right there in the middle of things if there is still a lot of unresolved conflict going on. It can be very unhealthy for them to see such issues taking place. Thankfully, with the right approach you can go through a divorce and still have a decent relationship with your children afterwards. It will be possible that you both work together as a couple to try to do what's good for your young ones.
As long as you can work out the details of the divorce so your children are well looked after it'll protect against them from getting scarred. The cases in which each spouse is blaming the other for the divorce and where the children are stuck in the middle of all the fighting aren’t going to be good for anyone in the family. Never say hurtful things about your ex in front of your children. When all is said and done, that person is still their parent and still someone they probably love and respect.
You should make sure you take the time to speak with your children from their viewpoint in regards to the divorce. Another thing to bear in mind is to let them have their say over the direction those conversations take. They may have important questions to ask about the divorce which you need to answer honestly. It is alright to let them see your emotions during the divorce too. Above all, constantly reassure them that everything is going to be alright after the divorce. By making them feel loved and safe they will be able to get through the divorce without suffering from any problems.
You won’t be scarring your children if you do end up divorced. However, you have to be aware of how the divorce might affect them. You want to know what to expect so you can be there to meet the needs of your children. It's important that they know they can turn to either parent for anything they need. You also need to think carefully before you do anything as to how it will affect your children. Any wrong moves you make will have some affect on your children.
Move forward knowing there are many children that have grown into well-adjusted adults even though their parents have been through a divorce. They will be the first to tell you that the situation was for the better for everyone involved. If you are thinking about getting a divorce that is good to know because the decision to divorce is not the easiest thing in the world. If you know divorce is the only option left for you, then just remember to keep the needs of your children in the front of your mind.About the Author
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Tags: parents, truth, sake, elements, disagreement, emotions, doubt, couples, big mistake, horror stories, marriage, emotional state, affection, physical abuse, emotional scars, getting a divorce, relationship issues, grownups, trust issues