Members Of The Jury - Living Together During A Divorce Will Help Your Kids
By: Linda E Cole | Posted: 07th April 2010
A couple with two children had been married for five years. They had twin girls who were four years old. For the last year the marriage had been in a troubled state as the lady of the house had a short affair with an old flame. There had been a lot of apology and promises that it would never happen again as it seemed there had been unfinished business between the two of them.
The old boyfriend had left for greener pastures but the husband could not find the way to trust her again. They had tried counselling and for a while thought they could save their marriage. Unfortunately the trust they had started with was diminishing fast. The husband was a likable guy and kind of understood what had happened to his wife but he just did not feel the same way for her anymore.
They had the talk of the century and decided that divorce was the option for them. He had a pretty good job that paid reasonably well so they were okay in that department. The problem for the husband was that even though he was the one wanting to leave the marriage he could not bear the thought of leaving the twins.
They did even more talking and it was decided he would stay with his wife in the family home till the twins were a lot older. He was a very hands on dad so wanted with all his heart to raise them. There was never going to be a bloody custody battle as they were fairly gentile folk who thought they could work this out in a civilized way.
So it began. They stayed living together during and after their divorce. The twins were so young they did not suspect that anything had changed between their doting mum and dad. Some of their friends thought they were mad but as time went by even they had to admit it seemed to be working.
So were these children being hurt in anyway by their parents arrangement? The answer is no. As they grew older they were told that mum and dad would eventually be living apart as they were getting divorced but children as they are did not give this a lot of credence for in their eyes nothing had really changed.
There is the argument that children cannot begin their grieving process while their parents are together like this. Surely if they see their parents behaving like mature adults it will only have a positive effect. In many ways it could make the final transition very easy as mum and dad would obviously make it as painless as possible for their kids. With loving parents like these there would be no doubt in the childrens minds that they would always have this kind of support so any sense of insecurity would be potentially zero.
It is all to do with how the parents behave through this unique situation. As long as there is no rowing or irrational behaviour it will work. Are we not a product of our upbringing and parents care? Some will say this is confusing to kids but I will say how? When they are old enough tell them the truth. They themselves may have their own opinions on the subject and that is fair enough as it is about them and their perception.
Is it not better for mum and dad to be sharing the family home with kids divorced or not? It has to be better than being shipped off with one parent to a smaller place where money becomes a lot tighter. Or moved to a less desirable area. Children need a safe and loving environment to grow up in.
Is it not true that children of standard divorced parents often experience difficulty in their lives? A sense of abandonment can take place as dad or mum is seen in many cases once every two weeks. This sure gives the wounded parent plenty of time to mess up their childrens heads with tales of their lousy husband or wife.
The argument for staying together to raise especially young children is very strong. The jury may not be out that long on this one as the success stories are being heard. If you are getting divorced for whatever reason and there are children involved. Take a deep breath and try very hard to work out the best path for them. They are the future and we need them in good shape.
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Tags: parents, good job, heart, credence, greener pastures, marriage, divorce, twins, apology, mum and dad, old flame