Guys Only Guide to Divorce - WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

By: Josh D. Simon | Posted: 04th January 2010

What are the signs that my kids are having trouble?

The Guys-Only guide to Getting Over Divorce and on with LIFE, SEX, and RELATIONSHIPS by Sam J Buser PhD & Glenn F. Sternes PhD.

Reactions to divorce among children may be sudden and obvious, or more pernicious and long-term. Negative reactions may occur in the child's behavior, in school performance, or in their emotional state. Typical problem reactions are listed below.

SIGNS CHILDREN ARE HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE DIVORCE

Depression (sadness, crying, low energy, withdrawal from others, decreased or increased appetite)
Anger (temper tantrums, break up things, difficulties in getting along with others, greater irritability, increased aggressiveness in play, accusations towards parents) Anxiety (nightmares, hyperactivity, nervousness, difficulty sleeping)
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Shame (avoiding talking about the divorce, not telling others about the divorce)
Dependency ("clinging", avoidance of school, fear of separation)
Regression to earlier behavior (requests for the bottle, needs for extra reassurance at bedtime, reemergence of bedwetting or thumb sucking) Physical Complaints (stomachache, headache, vague illnesses)
School Problems (drop in grades, failure to complete work, lack of concentration, lack of interest, missing school)
"Parentified Behavior" (acting like a "little man" or "little mommy," attempts to parent younger siblings)
Behavior Problems (violation of family rules, oppositional attitude, getting into trouble with authority figures, substance abuse, lying, stealing)
Denial of Problems (statements that the divorce doesn't bother them or that it doesn't affect them)
Attempts to Reunite Parents (asking ex-spouses to hold hands, attempts to "entertain" the parents, schemes to get parents together, misbehavior in order to draw attention of the parents)
Self-destructive Thoughts (frequent accidents, cutting with sharp objects, running away from home, vague comments about being gone)

The ways in which these behaviors are expressed vary according to the age of the child, but there is considerable uniformity in experience. Most kids will manifest some of these symptoms. For that matter, most adults will experience some of them as well.

This book is for men who are in the process of going through or recovering from a divorce. Whether she moved out today, you just left the courtroom after the final hearing, or you have been divorced awhile and are already dating, this book will help you make the decisions and do the things that will make life after divorce better.



The Guys-Only guide to Getting Over Divorce and on with LIFE, SEX, and RELATIONSHIPS Authors Sam J Buser PhD & Glenn F. Sternes PhD. For more details and articles on marriage, relationships, and divorce, visit www.DivorceMagazine.com
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Tags: low energy, emotional state, aggressiveness, lack of interest, temper tantrums, school performance, behavior problems, lack of concentration, typical problem, younger siblings, little man